Happy New Year!!
My mom was a working woman who managed to balance it all beautifully. She has always been my role model. But, when I am trying to do it all and have it all, it feels so much more difficult. She made it look so easy even though I know it was not at all easy.
I have it so much more easier than she ever did and yet I find myself always running around and barely able to keep up with everything. It feels like I am always constantly trying to clean up, organize and keep everything where it belongs and I’m failing majestically.
Sometimes, I don’t realize I actually have it all. In the middle of searching for the picture perfect life, I forget that I am living a good life. I was listening to Indira Nooyi’s talk and she very wisely said, we can have it all (especially women), but we cannot have it all at the same time. That is so so true and something we are not told enough of. I need to tell this to myself all the time. I have a decent job, a loving family, wonderful kids, a house etc.. Still I feel like something is missing.
There are days when I don’t do enough in my job, and some days I don’t have the time to check on my kids’ homework. Some days I don’t have the energy to cook or clean and there are times when I just don’t want to get out of bed. When I think about all of these situations, I only see the negativity in that. But, I don’t think about the fact that when I didn’t cook, I spent some quality time with the kids. When I didn’t check the homework, I was working on my career and when I didn’t feel like getting out of bed, I was giving myself some self care.
The kids can survive one day without me checking their homework. Experts tell us that we should not be helicopter parents, and yet I beat myself up over the little things.
Even though I know I am doing a good job, I keep second guessing myself. I give myself a hard time because I forgot a small thing one day. I am trying to change, but it is not easy. Add anxiety to the mix and it is utter chaos some days.
It is not only kids and home and careers that I need to juggle. I have to pay attention to my parents as they are aging. My parents are in India and we are here in the US. So, making sure I talk to them regularly and make sure they are taking care of their health and everything is important. Thankfully, my parents take good care of their health and it makes my job easier. Still, when I miss calling them because of other things, it adds to my guilt.
But, the important thing to remember here is that I am trying to do my best every single day. As we enter another year and are thinking about new beginnings and resolutions to make our life better, I am thinking about how to stay happy this year. I am 100% convinced now than ever before that being happy is in our hands. Nobody can make us feel happy or sad. It is our decision to either stay mad at people or to let go and move on. We can choose to make the best of what we have or to keep sulking about what we don’t have.
This year I have made a resolution to stay strong. I want to be physically and mentally strong. I want to build the strength to deal with what ever life may throw at me. Choosing to be happy and content is one of the big things for me this year. Maybe that is the secret to having it all.